What a privilege and blessing it is for me to offer to you these words of truth and life by one of my dearest friends, Daphne McKibben. On March 16, 2013, Daphne unexpectedly lost her almost 19-year-old son, Larry. Daphne shares hope and encouragement with us through her honesty in struggling with Romans 8:28, and she also introduces to you two ministries that are precious to her as a bereaved mother. I am praying with full confidence that God will use her words to comfort and strengthen your hearts. ♥ .. amanda
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
We lift Your name on high
Shine like the sun, make darkness run and hide
We know we were made for so much more than ordinary lives
Its time for us to more than just survive
We were made to thrive
(Matthew Joseph West | Casting Crowns)
The retreat was at a beautiful retreat center in Pleasant Station, TN, and from the moment I drove up until the time I left, I don’t think there was anything they could have done to make us moms feel more special. It was one of the most emotional yet fun weekends I’ve had in a long time.
We talked about our sons and daughters with moms who completely understand the struggle to try and make sense of the death of a child. We cried and laughed and hugged and cried some more.
There were workshops that focused on ways to put grief behind you without feeling like you were forgetting about your precious child’s life. It was an awesome weekend and I’d recommend any mom to attend who has experienced any child loss either through accident, sickness, or miscarriage. It was so very helpful, and I’m thankful I went.
While there, I finally made sense of something I’ve struggled with for a long time, and that’s Romans 8:28:
“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”
So many well-intentioned people share this verse with families that have just suffered the loss of a child. And I’m just going to go ahead and say it out loud:
When you’ve just made funeral arrangements, seen your son in a casket and kissed his face for the last time, and are about to bury him in the ground, telling a mom that it’s all going to work together for good is not a comfort.
Hearing that verse over and over and trying to make sense of it when my grief was so fresh caused me so much confusion and doubt. How could anything good ever, ever, EVER come from the death of my precious son, Larry? I just could not wrap my mind around that verse and I’d cringe when I heard it.
Romans 8:28 was always shared with me in such a way that sounded like God was going to do something wonderful in my life to make up for the great loss of my son, and that’s just not true. God does want to use Larry’s death to bring about good but the good is found in the last part of the verse:
“…all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to HIS purpose.”
All things do work together for good to those who love God, and that good is to bring honor and Glory to Him…
It’s not about me! It’s all about God.
I lost so many things when I lost Larry, and all the things that I lost were good. But somehow, that’s what had to happen in my life to bring God glory. God chose it for His purpose. Nothing is ever going to come along and replace Larry.
Larry’s life had purpose and so did his death, and I’m glad I can finally say that, even if I don’t really understand it all, I know God is glorified through it. It’s only through His continued grace toward me that I can put my grief behind me and walk toward a life of joy.
Touching Hearts Ministry and Enough Grace Ministries are the two groups responsible for the retreat that I attended. If the retreat is something that you would be interested in, please look them up or feel free to contact me.* I promise, you will be blessed.
Love unstoppable, anything is possible
Daphne McKibben is the wife and mother of four children, the youngest of whom recently graduated high school, ending Daphne’s 18-year home schooling career. Daphne has a new daughter-in-law, is the oldest female CrossFitter at her gym, and cherishes time spent with her family.
(*If you would like to get in touch with Daphne, please use the contact form on the blog, and I’ll make sure that she receives your message. ♥)
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.
What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written,
“For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Romans 8:18-39
Amanda I lost my beautiful handsome son on November 10 2018.. two years tomorrow,I enjoyed reading this but when my mind is settled better and I can think straighter I will read it again , I an very interested in what Daphne stated “ that she learned how to leave her grief behind her and carry on living with her son..my grief I feel will never go away ..we really were best friends.Darryl made me a mammy we loved each other dearly ,I told him everyday I loved him he knew who special he was to me & I knew how special I was to him,Darryl was out with so called acquaintances that sat evening( not his usual friends) attending a car show he was picked up at 6_45pm I gave him a hug and a kiss on the check and said love you take care his little brother jack 5 waved him good bye, then shortly after 10\20 pm we got word he had been in an accident..their was an argument in the car Darryl was travelling in.
which ended outside the car on the motorway..the police told us Darryl had been pushed out in front of a car..everyone in the car are telling lies…the forensic report came back that states” their was a fight before impact..which is not in their statements either..it is with the ops at the moment but I have no idea if I will get justice for my child..I still have a little boy to look after that’s what is keeping me here ..I find it soo hard to be here without him I wold love to speak to daphne thank you so much Edwina
On July 17, 2019 when my son was 19 years, 5 months, and 15 days old he died from a gun shot wound at the hands of a young man who didn’t think my son’s life mattered. And I’m sorry but I’M ANGRY!!!!!! I am filled with a bitter fury like I’ve never felt before. Ever. Abandoned by my husband in 2016 I was forced to make a choice no mother should ever have to make…..left with no source of income I sent my children to my parents. In 2017 my parents adopted my children because they can provide what I can’t, a stable home. In 2018, broken and defeated, I moved hoping to find stability and a fresh start, but also sad and anxious because it also put hours between my children and myself. And then, in 2019, it finally seemed like the kids and I were going to be okay after all. Then July 17th happened and I’m so angry and sad and everything I had accomplished the 3 years prior to that day is just gone. I can barely get out of bed most days and I’m so angry!!! Loss after loss after loss and then the ultimate loss…..one of my children. There is no good that could come from the death of my son. I’m sorry but there just isn’t. And I’m so angry!!!!
I’m tring to make sense of my daughter death. So far nothing really. Explains It. I am doubting my belief. Please pray for me and if there is anyone or anything that you think can help me please share. Thank you God bless
Deborah,
I am so sorry to hear about your daughter, I lost my son two months ago and I’m trying to make sense of it as well. I will be praying for you.
Kristina
My sincerest condolences, I lost my son on June 6th 2021 and I’m heartbroken. I have questioned my faith but only for a quick minute, after further thought, I felt like that’s what the evil spirit wants and I was not going to entertain it so I prayed to our God and asked him to hug me and I told him I will not lose faith, I will not be tested, I am yours and I will forever have faith. God has been the only one to help me during this difficult time. I will pray for you, but I beg you, please dont give up on your faith, the evil is near and knows how to prey on the weak. God, please take us all in the palm of your hands, place us close to your heart so that we may feel your love and comfort, amen🙇♀️
I am interested in participating in a treat. On, Jan. 15, 2018, it will be 3 years since my son of 19 year old, went home to be with his Heavenly Father. It’s been so hard. Please, can you provide more information on a coming retreat?
I lost my daughter in November, 2015 but im so blessed to have read this……i hurt and i miss my baby, but it helps to know that someone somewhere knows this pain…….but also knows that God is amazing. Thank you for posting this…….i needed it. Hugzzz.
Annette, I’m praying the Lord’s comfort abounds to you. I grieve with you and bring you before the throne of grace this morning. Thank you for sharing with me about your little one, and I am thankful that the Lord encouraged you through my friend Daphne’s words.
It’s amazing the kinds of things people say to try and comfort a grieving mother. I stood by my aunt, with my cousin in the casket beside her, and heard some really strange things. I know people were trying to be reassuring or comforting, or trying to help her find meaning or purpose in the death of her teenage daughter. But the best thing for my aunt was just being told how much people love and care about her, and loved her daughter. There are no magic words to make it easy to put your child in a casket and bury them. I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope I never have to bear the pain of losing my son.
Wow! Thank you SO much for sharing this! Thank you THank you!
I am thankful that the Lord used it to bless you, Caroline! I know your blog is an encouragement to many. <3 .. amanda